Thursday, June 02, 2016

The Struggle

Every single one of us will have to face some sort of struggle in our life. It doesn't matter how big or small the struggle is; everyone has one. The struggle is a part of life, that helps define who we are. If we didn't struggle to achieve our goals and aspirations, then life wouldn't be the same. Overcoming our struggles is what gives us character and perspective.

One of the biggest struggles in my life  - and there are quite a few - is my weight. More specifically my health. I've always been big, ever since childhood, but it didn't really affect me much. I would still play sports and wear the clothes I want. Since leaving school though (a good 7 years ago!!) my health hasn't been the best. I stopped playing sports, and exercise isn't something I'm good at sticking too. I was diagnosed with asthma, I have an intolerance to lactose and my bones are just disintegrating. I don't help myself much either though - I mean I forget to take my inhaler, I still eat all the cheese in the world and suffer the consequences, and I am now in my second session of physiotherapy classes. 
It has been well documented on my Twitter and in this blog that I am struggling to get healthy and lose weight. A lot of this is due to my lack of motivation and commitment to the task.
I am that person who is always saying "I'll start tomorrow", but as we all know tomorrow never comes.

I had an epiphany of sorts recently, where it dawned on me that I am so close to graduating and starting the next phase of my career, but I can't enjoy it properly. I'm wasting my life away by either eating crap all day (and looking like crap), or in bed in pain, or attending one of many appointments involving my many problems.
I think I'm the heaviest I have ever been in my life, and it actually makes me upset sometimes. I can't wear the things that I want to wear because they don't look good on me, or they aren't in my size. I know I'm probably not the biggest person, but it's still disheartening that I can't manage to commit to get healthy, to be able to do the activities I want to do. I get upset about the fact that I can't lose weight or get healthy, and so I comfort eat, and make myself feel worse. It's a vicious cycle that needs to end!!!

As well as the physical aspects of this situation, I feel like spiritually I seem to have become complacent. It's hard to explain what I mean, but I feel like I've become disconnected from my religion. I try to pray 5 times a day, and I often manage it 4 out of the 5 times, but I feel like it's not sincere. I seem to be going through the motions, but they are empty. Lacking sincerity and belief. With Ramadan coming in the next few days I hope that this will change.

This year I hope Ramadan can be a fresh start for me. An opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. I hope to become healthier this year, starting by cutting out all the rubbish this Ramadan - junk food and fried food and dairy - and sticking to it after Ramadan ends. I also want to start doing more light exercise, to help strengthen my back and shoulder, as well as drinking more water. I don't want to dive into the deep end straight away, but take small steps.

My biggest wish for this Ramadan though, is to become more connected to Allah. I don't want to just go through the motions of prayer and not understand what I'm doing. I want to be able to pray with sincerity and actually understand the meaning behind every action.
I hope to overcome my struggle this year, and become a better person.

What are your struggles in life? Have you ever tried to overcome them?
Till next time


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